What would I miss?

40 days to go.......

I still remember my first quiz at this place. Not nostalgic though, I would say. Back in the JEE prep school, I used to have a similar count down. I dint find that place much to my liking too. That was where, I remember, I realised that humility can be taught the harder way. I was humbled and petrified and made conscious all the time. May be I started turning into a paranoid at that time, I am a full grown one now. I still remember the first exam I had given in that institute. Not nostalgic though, I would say. But what I remember is that I gave in silently to the methods and means at the place. Some people call it a personality slaughter house, but I dont think it did any bad in slaugtering my personality back then. I needed to be humbled when I had passed out of my school. And you know what? I dont remember my first exam at the school. But I am nostalgic as hell about that place. Swell days were those. Everybody was equally childish and yeah, there was true innocence. And all that senti stuff and blah blah blah.

I took my last quiz at this place today morning and I ponder if I would ever be nostalgic about this day! What I find intriguing is that I think the hell out of my brain and cant name a single thing that I would really really miss after passing out. I started to think and a few names was all I could compile. But you know what I mean, right? I cant seem to find a thing, a place, or some kinda theme from this campus that I feel I would really really miss. I believe even those few names that hit me, would've been of the same impact if I were in a different place. You know what I mean? I mean I dint ever feel any entropy around this place.

With the end just around the corner, it hardly is calling for a haste in doing all those things that I always wanted to do here. For example I havent been to the OAT this sem until now, yet I dont feel like going once for a last time and all that crap. I was thinking the other day that I would celebrate the last holi here grandly and all, I did too. But it was more because I free mentally. Thats the state of many of the minds now in the last sem I guess. What I dont understand often is at what point of time in life should one start letting go of things so that he/she can start being happy from then on. You know what I mean right? Optimization kinda thing. I desperately want to know if I have reached an optimum now. Also may be I want to know this now as I dont have much to let go. A few months back when companies were regecting me because they thought I wouldnt join the industry with a resume like that and when many people around me were thinking that I had apped high and the lab work was going absolutely no where and many more things like that were happening which could have made me a legendary loser, I wouldnt think of letting go at all! Infact I so wanted to hold onto something that I was even thinking of pursuading back my ppo from IBM (by no means to underrate IBM, just to emphasize my insecurity at that point). But now with many things set I am thinking of letting go of some of my "paranoias".

Added to this very philosophical letting go and all, in came the treat spree and ofcourse ascendas. Boundless frivolity!!! We people just want to hangout once in a while. Just for the heck of it. May be its this implicit feeling of complacency is what I will miss afterall CS never let us to be content. May be its these fun days that I have with my wingmates is what I will miss. But as of now I have not a peanut of idea about what would make me nostalgic about this place.